Hangin

Tuwing maiisip kita, masakit pa rin pala. Akala ko time heals, pero tuwing maaalala kita, bigla na lang dumidilim ang mundo ko. Pumapatak yun luha.

 It still hurt. It still hurt that even time cannot heal the wound.

I always remember you in a song, in a place, in an ad, in a movie and also 3 in the morning where I get stuck looking at the ceiling wondering why you leave.

I am waiting for you to come and knock to my door. Everyday, I am waiting. Every time I sleep, I always pray for you to come back. But I always ended up crying.

Lagi kong tinatanong sa diyos, bakit ka dumating sa buhay ko? Bakit mo ako iniwan? Bakit niya hinayaang maging ganito? But still the answer is a blank space in my mind and in my heart.

It’s like a thousand years that I have known you. That I loved you before the day I was born. Siguro ang hirap paniwalaang “oo minahal kita sa napaka ikling panahon”. Hindi ikaw ako, hindi mo mararamdaman ang isang ako. At ang maging ako, napakahirap. Dahil pag nagmahal ako, binubuhos ko lahat. Hindi ako naniniwalang kailangan mong magtira sa sarili mo. Hindi iyon totoo, dahil kapag nagmahal ka hindi mo mamamalayan, na naibigay mo na lahat.

Hindi ko pa rin alam bakit… bakit nag kaganito ang lahat.

I cannot resist looking at our old conversation, your photos and most especially your promises. And every time I look into those things, I smile, I smile while tears are pouring.

I wish I could go back to the time where you and I were happy together.

Sorry for the things I’ve said, sa pangungulit ko, siguro nga hindi ako yung taong sinasabi mong inantay mo dati pa.

At siguro hindi ikaw yung mag liligtas sa puso ko.

Lagi kong iniisip, baka kaya mo ako iniwan kasi kailangan mo yung time para makafocus sa mga bagay na hinihingi mo sa akin na intindihin ko. Pero bakit sa ganitong paraan? Bakit kailangan akong masaktan? Siguro nga mali na ipaglaban pa kita sa isip ko.

Na iisip ko lagi na, umiiyak ka rin kaya? Naaalala mo rin kaya ako? Kung paano na ako? Kasi ako oo. Umiiyak ako lagi tuwing maiisip kita. Dahil sa pagkamiss at sakit na maiwan.

I am still hoping for the day that we will finally realize that we need to rekindle the love. That love is sweeter the second time around. That we will not let each other go.

Now I think I need to let go of the idea that you will be back, that everything will fall into places, that things will be the same again.

You will always have a special place in my heart.

I love you so much. I love you so much that I will set you free.

Alam ko napaka inconsistent ko sa mga decisions ko pero sa totoo I do not want you to go away.

But,

For now, I think our story is in hiatus. And if our story end between the pause, I wish we are both happy about it. My love.

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